Neil is NOT like other guys. Neil is special. Neil is aloof. Neil is funny. And Neil HATES student government.

You see, Neil has always been a rebel – preferring to define himself solely by the things he loathes. And nothing really grinds Neil’s gears like communities supporting each other and working to improve the institutions they find themselves within. While some guys like studying or partying, Neil’s ideal Friday night involves shitposting on student government Facebook pages and generally avoiding all forms of authentic human connection. After all, someone’s gotta do it. 

So how does Neil have the time to foster such an arbitrary yet calculated hatred? You see, Neil is immensely privileged! He’s never had to rely on informal networks of solidarity to feel safe or needed his voice amplified in order for it to be heard. And like the brave soul he is, he’s chosen to devote all of this spare energy to a truly noble cause: Slowly chipping away at the resilience of people who work harder in a day than he has in his entire life. 

Okay fine, so Neil doesn’t hate everything about student government. The entrenched toxic masculinity, cults of personality, pissing contests, and circle jerks really resonate with him, actually. But he’d never admit that. Instead, he sticks to his rebellious roots, carefully cultivating a niche faux apathy only truly achievable by someone who secretly follows student government kind of closely. 

When you think about it, it’s incredible that Neil was able to create an entire personality out of being a genuine piece of shit. We can’t wait to see what he’ll achieve next.


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