(Dreamstime)

On October 1, McGill University Health Center (MUHC) will start to phase in Ouija boards to diagnose and treat McGill University students. This decision came after six months of consultations, where McGill students were not allowed to attend.

A spokesperson for MUHC, Auntie Biotic, said this new plan will benefit McGill students.

“To be honest, we don’t care about McGill students, especially the Anglos,” Biotic said. “The Ouija boards will be better for McGill students because they won’t berate them. In addition, our doctors will not longer be blamed for misdiagnosing or any other medical errors. It’s genius! If we get sued, we can just blame a board.”

MUHC recommends that McGill students delete any complaint emails McGill students wish to send about this issue, as MUHC staffers are trained to send condescending responses or ignore complaints all together.

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