(penticon commentary)

Tragedy struck this week as McGill administration announced that they would be furloughing beloved employee Marty the Martlet for the Fall 2020 semester. Marty has been employed by McGill since 2005. 

Marty is concerned about his ability to provide for his wife, Mardie the Martlette, and their offspring, without a steady income. Fortunately, the family is not being asked to vacate their rental, a renovated storage closet in the basement of the McGill Athletics Centre. 

When asked to comment, Service Canada confirmed that they are still confirming if Marty is indeed eligible to receive the CERB. “He meets the income and citizenship requirements, but Service Canada has not yet confirmed whether or not large birds are able to receive the benefit,” Service Canada stated.

Until he receives further information from McGill or Service Canada, Marty plans to dip into his savings, his family’s “nest egg.” Meanwhile, the Martlet family plans to spend more time at home and work on their current craft project, sewing face masks that are large enough for their massive beaks.

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