A new report conducted by McGill University—concerned about coping mechanisms—revealed many students don’t go to the library to study; they actually go to be self-conscious about that pimple on the way bottom of their chin as they dodge all of those Tinder matches they either fucked or ghosted.  

“I don’t even open my laptop when I’m here,” Angie Epers, U2 Engineering said. “I’m way too busy running in between Redpath and McLennan. I keep seeing people I ghosted everywhere.”

Other students have taken a more emboldened approach to running into past matches, though.

“Like, every time I run into a babe I matched with, I always say hey,” Benny Willow, U0 Arts said. “By ‘hey’ I mean I say loudly in front of everyone, ‘hey, I matched with you on Tinder, didn’t I?’ It hasn’t worked so far, but I’ve got three years to figure it out.”

The next logical step would be go to a cafe, but another reporter suggests most time there is spent awkwardly waving to exes from previous long-term relationships.


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