I know weed is legal and that the administration has been sending out countless emails warning you not to smoke on campus. But I also know you’ve all been doing it for years now regardless. And honestly, good for you.

Listen up, though, kids. If you’re going to smoke your marijuana as you pass through my gates, you better give me a hit. I can handle it, okay? I’m John Fucking Milton. I was high when I wrote most of my poems anyway, and you all seem to love them. So give me some weed, for the love of god.

P.S. how do I get myself a dealer?

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