1. Print out their Facebook events and hold it up to their faces when you see them. There’s nothing like an instant ID!
  2. Try talking to them! Even though they all might respond to literally any question with “I’m socially liberal but fiscally conservative,” it might give you a clue.
  3. Yell something about being apolitical yet inclusive and see who comes out of the shadows. From there, see who has done Model UN. It’ll narrow it down at least a tiny bit!
  4. At the end of the day, we all know a white guy named Steve is probably gonna win! So just call them all Steve (or “Mr. President”).

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