(Carrie Rubin)

Hey, you! Probably wondering how on earth to get a good seat in McLennan or Redpath? No problem, we got you. Here are three foolproof ways to get the seat of your dreams. And remember, security can’t catch you if you run in zig-zags!

  1. Scream: find someone whose seat you want, and scream right into their ears. Wait to hear a POP of some kind, as that may indicate whether or not you have ruptured their ear drum. That’s the goal here. Send them to the dysfunctional clinic! Then take their seat.
  2. Stare: alternatively, you could just stand across from them and stare at them until they are too creeped out. But it probably won’t send a “don’t fucking talk to me” vibe to the others around you, so prepared for someone coming after your seat. Pack some ear plugs.
  3. Cry:  honestly, this is the best method. No one likes a crier, tissues, or sniffles. Bring your A-game and it will send multiple people running away! You could also weep onto someone’s shoulder. Get it kind of damp. Awkward, right?!


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